I have defriended lots of people simply because they are on the very fringe of my life, and feeling uncovered to those with whom I’m not emotionally or socially invested makes me uncomfortable. However, I am amazed at the people who defriended me this time.
Last week, I received a message from another author who reminded me that he had once defriended me on a chat tool. We both belong to the same professional organization but we live in different places and have nearly no contact with each other. While I was shocked that I had been defriended, I had completely forgotten about the incident until I received his recent note. The subject line read I’m sorry.
My ex-Facebook friend wrote: I’m sorry that I defriended you last year after I felt hurt following some Facebook comments early last year. I’d like to think I’ve developed thicker skin since then, but I’m a human. Anyhow, I hope we can work beyond our differences.
I can’t remember the specifics of the incident but suspect we disagreed, like so many Americans, regarding the politics surrounding the last election. Frankly, I was taken aback that I was defriended by someone with whom I had only the most peripheral online relationship and who took my comments so personally.
Nonetheless, when someone defriends you it is like having a door slammed in your face and that’s how I felt. It left little room for dialogue unless I wanted to take the conversation elsewhere. Under these circumstances, I didn’t.
Why does defriending occur? Defriending is generally provoked by something you did or said, online or off, that has created distance and led to a breach of trust. As a result, your “friend” no longer wants you lurking or being privy to what she is saying or doing online. Here are some common examples of how it happens:
* You’ve had a misunderstanding or disagreement, online or off;
* You humiliated the person in some way;
* You used information against her or she fears you will;
* She’s learned information about you that is a deal-breaker;
* She’s annoyed that you post too often, are too self-centered or are too self-promoting.
How can I deal with being defriended?In an article in today’s NY Times called Defriended, Not De-Emoted by Austin Considine, I commented that the emotions sparked by suddenly being defriended aren’t too different than those felt when someone is dumped offline. It hurts!
While it’s hard to get back in someone’s good graces once you’re defriended, you may realize for one reason or another that you don’t necessarily want to repair the friendship either!
But when you do and you know what you did wrong, apologize. And apologize sooner rather than later because little misunderstandings can expand speedily. If you’re not sure why you were defriended and it matters to you, write the person offline to find out if you did something wrong or annoying. If the person doesn’t reply, you might want to allow for a cooling-off period and then try once more. Use common sense.
Maybe we should think it as a different way. The facebook friending or defriending ought to be considered irrelevant to the professional aspect of ones life. People shouldn’t mix their personal life with their professional life so readily. I know that people still do this regardless.
Copyright by Lucy who likes shopping online, going fishing, often searches air jordan 9 and brazil soccer jersey on the Internet.
Last week, I received a message from another author who reminded me that he had once defriended me on a chat tool. We both belong to the same professional organization but we live in different places and have nearly no contact with each other. While I was shocked that I had been defriended, I had completely forgotten about the incident until I received his recent note. The subject line read I’m sorry.
My ex-Facebook friend wrote: I’m sorry that I defriended you last year after I felt hurt following some Facebook comments early last year. I’d like to think I’ve developed thicker skin since then, but I’m a human. Anyhow, I hope we can work beyond our differences.
I can’t remember the specifics of the incident but suspect we disagreed, like so many Americans, regarding the politics surrounding the last election. Frankly, I was taken aback that I was defriended by someone with whom I had only the most peripheral online relationship and who took my comments so personally.
Nonetheless, when someone defriends you it is like having a door slammed in your face and that’s how I felt. It left little room for dialogue unless I wanted to take the conversation elsewhere. Under these circumstances, I didn’t.
Why does defriending occur? Defriending is generally provoked by something you did or said, online or off, that has created distance and led to a breach of trust. As a result, your “friend” no longer wants you lurking or being privy to what she is saying or doing online. Here are some common examples of how it happens:
* You’ve had a misunderstanding or disagreement, online or off;
* You humiliated the person in some way;
* You used information against her or she fears you will;
* She’s learned information about you that is a deal-breaker;
* She’s annoyed that you post too often, are too self-centered or are too self-promoting.
How can I deal with being defriended?In an article in today’s NY Times called Defriended, Not De-Emoted by Austin Considine, I commented that the emotions sparked by suddenly being defriended aren’t too different than those felt when someone is dumped offline. It hurts!
While it’s hard to get back in someone’s good graces once you’re defriended, you may realize for one reason or another that you don’t necessarily want to repair the friendship either!
But when you do and you know what you did wrong, apologize. And apologize sooner rather than later because little misunderstandings can expand speedily. If you’re not sure why you were defriended and it matters to you, write the person offline to find out if you did something wrong or annoying. If the person doesn’t reply, you might want to allow for a cooling-off period and then try once more. Use common sense.
Maybe we should think it as a different way. The facebook friending or defriending ought to be considered irrelevant to the professional aspect of ones life. People shouldn’t mix their personal life with their professional life so readily. I know that people still do this regardless.
Copyright by Lucy who likes shopping online, going fishing, often searches air jordan 9 and brazil soccer jersey on the Internet.
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